Once in a blue moon

Gentle full moon preparation~~
Prepare yourself for this upcoming month of July. Only great, beautiful things are to happen! These past few years have been rather life changing for me.. Perhaps for you too.. There’s been a lot of moons offering transition and new understandings. The moon phases signify beginnings, cleansing, change, acceptance, and rebirth. Take the time to reflect, to go inward, and harness the transitioning cycle’s energy into your heart space to allow new beginnings for yourself as well. “Only once in a blue moon” is a familiar saying, used when something very rare or extraordinary happens.. Now is your chance. This month we have not only one, but two full moons! Beginning on the 1st, and ending the month with the blue moon, on the 31st. The time in-between we will be experiencing the moon in Capricorn. Capricorn is known for qualities of grounding and practicality. Capricorn’s ruling planet, Saturn is in retrograde.. Bringing with it very passionate changes! This is your blue moon chance! Don’t wait any longer to take those well-contemplated risks.. Dive deep into your heart space and follow where it leads you. Openly allow the change to embrace you in its fullest potential. It will only bring you to your fullest potential as well. Love it, and bless it. This month is extraordinary. One that only happens “once in a blue moon”

The dance between curious dreamers

You have a tendency to lure me in with only a soft gaze and an ever so inviting smirk in the corner of your smile.
The gentle joking manor of your spirits is obvious, but I can sense the curious sincerity of your soul.
I enjoy your dance. You behold the elegance and confidence of a lone-traveling swan down a familiar stream.. Yet you intertwine your gate with the playfulness and cautious-ridden behaviors of a young alley-cat.
I cannot get you off of my mind.
The hardest part is my wandering wonders of if you’re receiving similar thoughts..
Similar understandings..
Dance with me, darling. You know just who you are. Even from afar I catch your glance from the corner of my eye. You look away so quickly..
I’ve unfortunately mastered pretending not to notice..
Still, there’s no denying that we both do.
The rivers of our travels all lead to the same body of water..
an entrancing sea of the unknown.
Dangerous, and risky, yet pleasant, and comforting.
Sing your melody, and we can dance down a wave of reflective compositions.
Some things can but also cannot be guessed.
To be in a dream of curiosity-laden lives is only necessary every so often.
Inquiring imaginations… Envision a dance of a thousand steps, each leading to a successful jump landing.. and finally…
A finale of exquisite…. beautiful… co-creation.

The organization of unorganized organization.

I am a very unorganized, organized person.
I have a list next to me, of the things I need to accomplish within the next week.. yet I have absolutely no idea where to begin… or how..
I’ve been trying to organize my life in all aspects. Basically, I have many tasks for the day that need to be accomplished.. The boring stuff like, cleaning out the fridge, organizing the kitchen, and keeping up on laundry.. but yet, here I am writing a blog post, which only helps my personal life’s form of expression organization, in which I’d like to see myself devote more time to my hobbies like writing, dancing, and art.
Might I add, I have my learning organization (home-college-schooling of the sorts) where I try to divide a portion of my daily time to my studies. I have many books on yoga, massage, acupressure, and Spanish which I need to dive into and explore the depths of their knowledge.
With that in mind, time needs to be given to my personal practices as well, of self-care like daily yoga and meditation.
On top of that, I have my small business to organize. I need to take time out to make deodorant and toothpaste for the use of my clientele before Friday!
AS WELL AS, trying to organize the lives of those around me.. (mainly the children).
I started my day making cheese.
That was not my intention. It was my mother’s for me.
Now that my part of the cheese-making-process is completed, I can move on. But where do I begin?
It’s almost as if my mind is a functional tornado which instead of destroying everything, it categorizes everything. It’s chaotic, goes everywhere in no intentional direction, and stops just as quickly as it began. I just have to begin… that’s all I can do. I have to press play, and start getting things done.. which can be the hardest thing to do with so many categories of organization which I could begin in.. Sometimes I wish I could just sit in this comfy chair and babble about random shit all day and somehow magically (with my incredible mind powers, of course) everything gets accomplished perfectly, without a lift of a finger or a sweat drop from an eyebrow… That’s a beautiful thought, isn’t it?
I’m sure I’m not the only person on this band wagon of unorganized organization…
Complicated beauty, I call it. Now, it’s time to begin organizing the unorganized organization…somehow..

The unexplainable, unconditional love of an intimate gathering.

My heart has been with so much love it’s almost unfathomable. I feel such an intense sensation in my heart chakra whenever I think about the occurrences of this weekend.

As I had mentioned briefly in my previous post about my love for chocolate, my family and I attended a local music festival in our area. It was my mother’s, my two brother’s, and my two sister’s very first festival and their worlds have been opened up to a whole new level of understanding. If you have never been to a festival or gathering of sorts, I strongly advise you to go to search the interweb for one that calls to your soul, and then attend. It is life changing, I promise you this. The experiences you will have is worth all the money you will spend on a ticket. (They can get pricey..)You’ll meet people you never imagined existed. You may never see them again. (and that is okay!) Or perhaps you will make a friend whom will hold your hand for a life time. There is so much connectiveness and positivity that flows through the air so gently like smoke from a burning sage bundle.. it’s absolutely beautiful, and it brings tears to my eyes.

I personally prefer a smaller, more intimate gathering over a big huge one (ex. Electric Forest or Wakarusa.) I often attend Harmony Park’s music festivals, or my hometown’s local gathering, Lovefest in the Midwest. So. Much. Love.
Again, if you have never been, please, put the idea on your bucket list!

I fall in love so easily. I choose to keep my eyes open and look at the beauty that is surrounding. I feel so deeply for those whom I connect with on such levels. There’s something within me that screams to me to share what I am feeling. To express my undying love for my brothers and sisters and spirit families. Every where I go, there is a soul who is capable of feeling such a deep emotion as love. Such a misunderstood word, yet its simple meaning is so powerful that no one can truly understand it. There are no words. Only feeling. Sometimes that’s the hardest thing for me to grasp, because words flow out of me so easily… but love is a difficult subject to express because of the complexity and vastness of its meaning. Love is everywhere, all around us, at all given times. You can feel it if you so choose. It’s your human and spiritual right to feel this. Please allow yourself to feel this. It is your choice. A great place to start is by attending an intimate gathering. Let the love flow in and out so fluidly through you like a river with constant motion. So elegant, so crisp, so complex, yet so very simple of an understanding.
Much love to you in all of your time.
Bless and be blessed, my friends.

I’d Marry Chocolate

First of all, I really shouldn’t be up this late. Especially when I have such huge weekend plans ahead.
Second of all, It’s raining again. In fact, it’s pouring. I think this year’s rainy season has gone on WAYY too long now.. May I ask of the universe to please pick a weekend for it not to rain? Please? (:
Third of all, (who says that???) I’m addicted to sugar.. (primarily chocolate..) And I think I may have a problem.

My family and I are preparing for a 3 day long music festival happening this weekend. Long story short, we have a dairy farm and we make everything from cheese to ice cream. It’s been a shit show trying to pull everything together for this event.. With hardly any communication, too much to do, and too little of time to accomplish everything… It’s been rather difficult. But we’re making it happen!

Yesterday I made 6 pans of Ghirardelli double decadent chocolate brownies.. literally all I ate the whole day was pancakes with peanut butter and syrup, a shit ton of brownie batter, and half of a steak taco. I felt sick. And I still kind of feel sick. I felt so sick I couldn’t finish my taco and I had to pawn it off on my dear friend. How is it I can eat so much sugar in one day, and nothing nutritional (This is not my normal diet, I swear.) and not be able to put down any real food?? It was almost as if my body was like NOPE! You’re stuck now baby! All I could handle was chocolate, and beer. Sick. But yet, I haven’t stopped eating chocolate… (Hence why I think I may have a problem..) I could hardly eat anything else but sugar yesterday. Nothing else seemed even the slightest bit appetizing.
Today I cut up and individually wrapped all the brownies (and also ate the crumbs..) as well as I made a half gallon of chocolate syrup. (and licked the spoon… and bowl….AND drank chocolate milk… HELP….!) If you haven’t yet put two and two together.. we’re making brownie sundays to sell at the music festival. We hope it goes well! (If I don’t eat it all)
But you’d think I would have learned my lesson a looong time ago…

Story Time!
When I was a kiddo.. about 11 or 12. I won 10 pounds of organic dark chocolate with blueberries. Ten. Pounds. And I ate all of it.. My mom used to coordinate conferences and there would always be these silent auctions. I put all of my small green paper tickets in for this box of chocolate heaven. And I won. (of course..) I didn’t share much of it either… I kept it in my room and I’d snack on it daily.. or every half hour or so.. This I believe is what started my chocolate addiction.
Some people have a sweet tooth. I have a whole set of sweet teeth.. and then some..  Super duperly sweet teeth (they go long with my personality.. (; )
Anyways.. sure enough, I got sick. And not just once, but numerous times. But yet, I still love chocolate. (When will it end???)
Honestly, It probably doesn’t help much that I live and work on a dairy farm where my mom is constantly producing the most amazing ice cream that I, and anyone else has ever tasted in the whole of their lives.

Hey, I may have a slight addiction to chocolate.. and I may have gotten some lovely hips because of it.. But damn am I happy!

As for the rain.. It’s ‘supposedly’ going to rain this weekend during the festival. Let’s hope not. If so… more ice cream brownie sundays for me I guess!

Transformation

Transformation.

A transmission of information.

To a nation.

Or just one person.

To one whom will listen.

To the consideration

From a concernment

Out of the ordinance.

Not all of us think alike.

~

A memory, a distant thought

It toys at you

Taunts you, haunts you,

Influences you to believe you are something you’re not.

It takes your head,

Heavy on your shoulders

Spins it round and round as if you’re on a rollercoaster

Zipping and gliding,

Around and upside down.

Until the smile you were portraying paints its way into a frown.

Forgiveness isn’t as easy as forgetting.

~

Guilt and shame play an evil game

Of in captivating, entrapping, and gluing you to the concrete

So even if you grow wings, its more difficult to fly.

To see the bigger picture, pops out at you like a children’s book.

You sigh and let the night pass by.

Wash yourself of your insecurities.

Watch yourself win the ongoing battle.

~

Acknowledgement is what changes.

Where growth hides in a dark corner,

Lurking and yearning for attention,

For acceptance.

For a friend to listen.

Because with growth comes pain,

And not everyone is so inviting..

~

Pinch yourself when you’re dreaming

Only to wake to a reality of unknown answers.

That is if there even are any..

It seems to me to be all about the questions.

The act of pondering,

Imagining, being,

And experiencing the pain,

The growth, the acceptance,

The transformation.

Mislead beauty turned raw.

There was once a time in my life where I could not leave my house without makeup on. Back then, I was a completely different person… And it wasn’t even that long ago. I look back at pictures of myself when I was 18 and I don’t even recognize myself. I didn’t necessarily wear heavy makeup… Rather, I wore it well. Growing up with a professional photographer for a father, I was usually behind a camera (and still am..). For some reason, there had always been little insecurities whispering in my ear whenever I saw a picture of myself saying how bad the shot was… How weird I looked from the side angle… How my eyebrows should be raised higher than they naturally rested… And then it dawned on me that this was why people got plastic surgery. Where do these whispers of insecurities come from? I knew I wasn’t the only one. I wore makeup so well that it completely changed my face.. The contours.. The highlights.. Oh how I loved lightly smoky-brown eyeshaddow… And that mascara..mm.. Make up art can be fun! But I wore it every day to the extent that I became unfamiliar with my true appearance. I saw this happening.. And I did not want to end up having to apply makeup on my death bed, and I definitely didn’t want to end up like those people with horrible plastic-surgery after effects (because we rarely hear success stories anyways, right!?)  I decided it was now or never. I began to purposefully step out of my comfort zone and accept my birth-given face. Im aware that I’m not ugly.. I respect myself enough to know I am beautiful. The true me was just unfamiliar. It was time to reestablish a good relationship with the natural contours of my cheeks and eyebrows… The veiny look of my eyelids when I was tired.. The slightly flushed-looking pinkness of my skin.. My long dark brown eyelashes.. As well as my rosy cheeks and freckles. I fell in love. My face and I, we still have our days.. But I wouldn’t trade it in for any amount of foundation. Something changed inside me. A simple understanding took place. I am beautiful the way nature intended.. And I hadn’t been able to see that until I look off the layers to truly see the rawness of myself and the depth of those words. Now whenever I put makeup on.. (Sometimes for fun & out of curiosity) I immedietly take it off. I don’t look the same, and I don’t understand why I would want to unfamiliarize myself with myself…  I see other women who were in the same boat on the ocean of misleading beauty as me. I wish for them to one day love their raw beauty. They will take their time just as I did. Its not an easy process. Its difficult, challenging, and ever so rewarding. I will admit that i do occasionally wear a dark red/brown lipstick. (Its fun and for special occasions!) I want to establish an understanding of that I am in no way trying to put anyone down for wearing makeup. Makeup can be worn, it can be fun, and exciting! You, as a reader, have every right and are completely obligated to wear however much makeup whenever your heart desires! My only advice is to never let go of your rawness in exchange for makeup. It was only when I accepted my true nature that I began to uncover the simple complexity of my own inner strength and beauty. This is only just the beginning. Bless and be blessed.