Best friends

Forewarning, I don’t quite know how to word this properly…. but I’m going to try so that I can better understand it myself….

On the topic of Best Friends:

I’ve had quite a handful of friends in my life.. and many more acquaintances to count.. but when it comes to Best Friends, have I ever had one? What does the term ‘best friend’ even mean exactly?
Is it just another label to define another person who becomes close in your life?
Is it the peer you spend the most time with?
Is it someone who shares a similar sense of humor?
Is it someone who you’ve spent your entire life around?
Is it possible to have more than one?
Or is it beyond all that?
Could it mean a special type of connection with someone who knows you entirely from the inside out and even more so after that?
Someone who just ‘gets‘ you; and you ‘get‘ them back…
Someone who would be by your side no. matter. what.
Or is that just a rare phenomenon?
How many people actually get to experience that kind of friendship? Do we even at all?

I have so many questions….. and not enough answers…..

I think I’ve had best friends. In fact, I’d like to consider a few of my current close friends my ‘best friends’. Each one is completely different in their own beautiful way, and I love them and everything that composes them so very much.
A little background on my life… I’ve never grown up around any one group of people, unlike most americans. My family moved around a lot, and for a good chunk of time I was homeschooled and lived on a farm, rather isolated from any contact with peers outside of my computer.  That may sound depressing to you, but it was the childhood experience that shaped me into the person I am today, and for that I am grateful. I learned a lot about myself in my growing years, and I like to say I’m a pretty independent person because of it.
But I hear so often about people who’ve known each other their whole lives… their parents were close friends, and they went to the same preschool together, etc. I will never have the ability to experience such a connection with someone..
The longest friendship I’ve had is about 9 years old now, and we hardly speak anymore.. maybe two or three times a year at most.  Everyone else I know I’ve been acquainted with for maybe 5 years tops. So the close friends that I’d consider my ‘best friends’ I’ve maybe known for an ongoing of 4 years. I call them my best friends because they are those that I love and cherish in this moment. And maybe for me, best friends are just going to come and go in my life like they always have… who’s to say? I can only continually love them for the moments that we experience and have shared together…

I guess, in somewhat of a conclusion, that term means whatever you make out it to be. A best friend can be someone you’ve spent your whole life with, or it could be the chick you met at the library last week who was checking out the same book as you, or it could just be the people you hold dear for the time being in life that you are experiencing. Whatever it may mean to you, love them. Cherish them. Appreciate them. Adore them, and experience every waking moment that you can with them. Because as friends, we are the glue that hold us together.

And that’s what I have to say on the topic of best friends.

Benign Blessing

Today I was diagnosed with a benign probable fibroadenoma in my left breast. In other words, a noncancerous tumor. Sounds super scary, but apparently it’s quite common in young women this day in age.  For a few years now I’ve felt this small bb sized lump, it hasn’t grown in size, and it hasn’t moved.. I discovered it around the age of 21. I’ve gone into two different doctors since then, both saying that it’s maybe a small cyst or a calcium deposit in one of my ducts.. nothing to worry about. The last time I visited the doctor she said I should be fine. A few weeks later I received a call saying It was suggested that go and get further testing. That news terrified me. Why would they tell me it’s fine, only to contradict that statement by saying I should go see a specialist? Liability reasons I’m assuming. Just to clear my head I made an appointment with a surgeon near me to get his opinion. He told me it wasn’t likely a concern, but I should get an ultra sound just in case – If anything, just for peace of mind. So, thats exactly what I decided to do; ease my mind. After hours in-between doctors, I finally received the conclusion of having a benign probable fibroadenoma. I’m honestly happy it’s not anything more… It is possible that it could become cancerous in the future, but statistically, it is highly unlikely. I just have to keep an eye on it, and everything should be perfectly fine. No need to worry.

Social Media Anonymous

 

On the 1st of January, 2016, I am deactivating my Facebook account.

Why? Because I believe social media is irrelevant. I believe that I can live a better life without the influence of Facebook.  And so, I’m going to test that theory.

For how long? At least a year.

I will admit that FB has good qualities, for instance the Events and the Groups. FB can be a wonderful place for social gathering and connecting, as well as advertising and being a place with plenty of inspiration/positivity.

I’m deactivating it because I believe that I can have all of those qualities without the use of Social Media. The internet is a vast and wondrous place, where I can find anything. I’d rather make/keep my connections physically in person as well as phone/email.

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Social media can be highly addictive, just like cocaine, caffeine or sex. It triggers those ‘happy’ or ‘satisfied’ chemicals within our brain to fire off into multiple directions when we hear the ‘bing‘ of a new notification or message. Sound familiar? *cough* Pavlovian Conditioning *cough* You just have to check it! Instead of people living to fill their own book of experiences, they live to ‘share’ them with the internet world.

I only own a Facebook account, nothing else. It doesn’t simply end there though… Thousands are addicted to other social media websites like Twitter, Pinterest, Instagram, Reddit, Tumblr, etc. Earlier this year I got into the habit of not using social media at all, and I was just using it for my business, but unfortunately, i fell back into the habit of my previous addiction. It can be one of the most difficult habits to break. Where’s the Social Media Anonymous group??
According to a survey study through Pew Reasearch Center, Young adults (ages 18 to 29) are the most likely to use social media – fully 90% do.
It can be discouraging at times, and a distraction to the outside world…
Many people waste time just scrolling through Facebook for no apparent reason, checking up on the lives of people that they don’t really care about. We could be doing many other things with our valuable time! It can suck the life right out of you through a bendy straw in the form of a meme.

We live in a time where most 13 year olds have an iPhone and at least two social media accounts. They spend their youth posting selfies, and  watching countless amounts of nonsensicle memes and videos. What happened to playing with Barbies and Legos?  What happened to mud pies and homemade igloos? Swing sets and board games? According to a new study from Pew Research Center. “Aided by the convenience and constant access provided by mobile devices, especially smartphones, 92% of teens report going online daily — including 24% who say they go online ‘almost constantly’, More than half (56%) of teens — defined in this report as those ages 13 to 17 — go online several times a day, and 12% report once-a-day use. Just 6% of teens report going online weekly, and 2% go online less often.”

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And what about the adults? Numerous times I have witnessed a couple out to dinner, staring at their phones rather than each other’s eyes.
How many individuals have you seen video recording a concert rather than fully experiencing it – living in the moment? Too many.
How many times have you heard someone say ‘Wait, do that again so we can post it on FB!’ or ‘Take a photo and tag me in it!’ Way too many…

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I believe most people have forgotten what it means to live in the moment, for the moment. 

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Of course, we all know, there was a time where people lived without the internet. How much do you want to bet that their lives were more simple and genuine? They had no choice but to live in the moment, to truly connect with the people and the world around them… for the sole reason of experiencing for themselves the beautiful gift of life. For some people, living this way may seem boring, or redundant because of recent technology… but in my opinion, there is a beauty to that life that most will never experience, because of social media. I’m out to test that theory.

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If you are reading this as one of my ‘FB’ friends, feel free to follow this blog. I write on here about my views & opinions, my poetry, and over all what I am learning in life.  I haven’t shared this blog with the public yet.. so here goes nothing! Just because I’m deactivating FB, doesn’t mean I’m going to stop writing.

I live to write. It’s my best form of expression.

Blessings to you, Happy Holidays!

 

Lustful glance

If only the outside world worked like social media, so when that cutie rides past you on the skateboard while you’re walking down a busy sidewalk and you exchange glances and a sensual smirk, you can simply ‘like’ their pretty face to let them know you’re interested, and then MAYBE, just maybe, something can come of that.

Please, don’t act like that hasn’t happened to you…and then you keep looking back, wondering if they’ll turn around and say hello, or if you’ll ever even see that person again, then you wind up spending a good chunk of your evening fantasizing about something that occurred in only one second of your day..

Amazing isn’t it? How do you go about meeting those people? It’s like, the universe blesses you only every so often with such beauty, but only briefly, and hardly ever within a situation where anything may actually come from such encounters… Damn lucky, aren’t we.

If you’re single like me, and have been for a really long time, like me, then you are well aware of the thoughts that go through your head wondering if you’ll ever meet that ‘perfect someone‘.  Or if that ‘perfect someone‘ even truly exists. I don’t know about you, but I can’t settle for just anyone.
I have standards, and a lot of them. (probably hence why i’ve been single for so long) But that’s not necessarily a bad thing….

If you have the amount of luck that I do, you’ll wind up meeting someone who’s perfect in your description of what you’d like your partner to be like, and of course, they are taken. Sad day. But at least you have a damn good idea of what you like!
Or, there’s those weirdos who have had high school crushes on you since kindergarten who won’t stop trying no matter how many hints you give them…. CMON! You’d thing at some point we’d roll the dice right..

I can’t help but to think that someday we will all have our chance.
Patience, patience, patience. But on that real note…. FU#*@BNCKkIg*&9F(*8***!!!!
You feel me?!?!?!

The organization of unorganized organization.

I am a very unorganized, organized person.
I have a list next to me, of the things I need to accomplish within the next week.. yet I have absolutely no idea where to begin… or how..
I’ve been trying to organize my life in all aspects. Basically, I have many tasks for the day that need to be accomplished.. The boring stuff like, cleaning out the fridge, organizing the kitchen, and keeping up on laundry.. but yet, here I am writing a blog post, which only helps my personal life’s form of expression organization, in which I’d like to see myself devote more time to my hobbies like writing, dancing, and art.
Might I add, I have my learning organization (home-college-schooling of the sorts) where I try to divide a portion of my daily time to my studies. I have many books on yoga, massage, acupressure, and Spanish which I need to dive into and explore the depths of their knowledge.
With that in mind, time needs to be given to my personal practices as well, of self-care like daily yoga and meditation.
On top of that, I have my small business to organize. I need to take time out to make deodorant and toothpaste for the use of my clientele before Friday!
AS WELL AS, trying to organize the lives of those around me.. (mainly the children).
I started my day making cheese.
That was not my intention. It was my mother’s for me.
Now that my part of the cheese-making-process is completed, I can move on. But where do I begin?
It’s almost as if my mind is a functional tornado which instead of destroying everything, it categorizes everything. It’s chaotic, goes everywhere in no intentional direction, and stops just as quickly as it began. I just have to begin… that’s all I can do. I have to press play, and start getting things done.. which can be the hardest thing to do with so many categories of organization which I could begin in.. Sometimes I wish I could just sit in this comfy chair and babble about random shit all day and somehow magically (with my incredible mind powers, of course) everything gets accomplished perfectly, without a lift of a finger or a sweat drop from an eyebrow… That’s a beautiful thought, isn’t it?
I’m sure I’m not the only person on this band wagon of unorganized organization…
Complicated beauty, I call it. Now, it’s time to begin organizing the unorganized organization…somehow..

I’d Marry Chocolate

First of all, I really shouldn’t be up this late. Especially when I have such huge weekend plans ahead.
Second of all, It’s raining again. In fact, it’s pouring. I think this year’s rainy season has gone on WAYY too long now.. May I ask of the universe to please pick a weekend for it not to rain? Please? (:
Third of all, (who says that???) I’m addicted to sugar.. (primarily chocolate..) And I think I may have a problem.

My family and I are preparing for a 3 day long music festival happening this weekend. Long story short, we have a dairy farm and we make everything from cheese to ice cream. It’s been a shit show trying to pull everything together for this event.. With hardly any communication, too much to do, and too little of time to accomplish everything… It’s been rather difficult. But we’re making it happen!

Yesterday I made 6 pans of Ghirardelli double decadent chocolate brownies.. literally all I ate the whole day was pancakes with peanut butter and syrup, a shit ton of brownie batter, and half of a steak taco. I felt sick. And I still kind of feel sick. I felt so sick I couldn’t finish my taco and I had to pawn it off on my dear friend. How is it I can eat so much sugar in one day, and nothing nutritional (This is not my normal diet, I swear.) and not be able to put down any real food?? It was almost as if my body was like NOPE! You’re stuck now baby! All I could handle was chocolate, and beer. Sick. But yet, I haven’t stopped eating chocolate… (Hence why I think I may have a problem..) I could hardly eat anything else but sugar yesterday. Nothing else seemed even the slightest bit appetizing.
Today I cut up and individually wrapped all the brownies (and also ate the crumbs..) as well as I made a half gallon of chocolate syrup. (and licked the spoon… and bowl….AND drank chocolate milk… HELP….!) If you haven’t yet put two and two together.. we’re making brownie sundays to sell at the music festival. We hope it goes well! (If I don’t eat it all)
But you’d think I would have learned my lesson a looong time ago…

Story Time!
When I was a kiddo.. about 11 or 12. I won 10 pounds of organic dark chocolate with blueberries. Ten. Pounds. And I ate all of it.. My mom used to coordinate conferences and there would always be these silent auctions. I put all of my small green paper tickets in for this box of chocolate heaven. And I won. (of course..) I didn’t share much of it either… I kept it in my room and I’d snack on it daily.. or every half hour or so.. This I believe is what started my chocolate addiction.
Some people have a sweet tooth. I have a whole set of sweet teeth.. and then some..  Super duperly sweet teeth (they go long with my personality.. (; )
Anyways.. sure enough, I got sick. And not just once, but numerous times. But yet, I still love chocolate. (When will it end???)
Honestly, It probably doesn’t help much that I live and work on a dairy farm where my mom is constantly producing the most amazing ice cream that I, and anyone else has ever tasted in the whole of their lives.

Hey, I may have a slight addiction to chocolate.. and I may have gotten some lovely hips because of it.. But damn am I happy!

As for the rain.. It’s ‘supposedly’ going to rain this weekend during the festival. Let’s hope not. If so… more ice cream brownie sundays for me I guess!